The Fireman... : )

oh my....

: )

seems... the above song...

is the perfect fit...

: )

Yeah...

my life these days...

it seems....

is spent....

consumed...

putting out.... 'fires'...

John...

has been moved to a regular room.... : )

tho.... I had Hoped... he'd find his way Home....

tomorrow...

I'll bet... it won't be... for another day.

Got a list of his meds... tonight....

holy smokes....

it's no wonder.... he trembles....from head...to toe. 

{Lord.... I hate drugs....{especially.... steroids....}

  but... I know... at this time.... he needs 'em....

I'll just be glad... to get them...cleaned out, of his system... as soon.... as possible. }

Keep Those... Amazing....

Wings... Beating!

I...sure... Thank You... for that...

: )

Love...to You....

Barb C.
{I... looked at Liz... night before last.....
as I directed the Dr. to inform her, as well.... of what was... 'the plan'.... in the ICU...
She.... like her Mother... doesn't like to be out of the loop....
but....
oh my...
I saw myself... in her...
and...sure wished.... she wouldn't have to learn....
the way I did....
the 'terms'.... and 'slang'....
all... the Hospital... 'lingo'....
to...the point....
Dr.'s ask you...
if...
You... are a Nurse.
We....never wanted to be....one...
but...
for...me....
I'll bet...
I wouldn't have to take... too many classes....
to be make it so.
Been there....
Seen...and Done... that....
over.... and over.
That...
is an 'education'.... you Hope... your children... will never have....
unless...
they have... a Passion...
A...Desire....
for it.
and...
not.... learned....
while... 'putting out... fires.' }



Good... Morning. : )

I'm just heading out the door....

for the Hospital...

Sounds like John will be put in a regular room, today.....

: )

I... sat... sipping my coffee....

just, now....

thinking about 'Yesterday's Many Travels'

and the Folks... I had spent the day with....

One... was an older gentleman....

I... think, this morning.... not... of the major 'Business'...

decisions.... that had to be made....

Mountains... of them.....

I... think... about the Gentleman's... Attitude....

{Everything Else.... aside.}

It was a Positive.... Very...Positive....

'Can Do'...

Attitude.

Every question... or concern... I had.....

His Answer...

"No Problem"....

"Consider it...Done"

and...it was.

: )

I looked at him.... at one point....

after I shared a concern....

 he... snuffed it out.... immediately...

and said...
bewildered....

"I'm not used to this.... Thank You. "

: )

Attitude... has so much.. to do.... with Getting 'er Done....

whatever....

the Mountain...may be....

Hope...You...

Have a Wonderful Day...

Filled... with Blessings....

Love to ya...

Barb C.

{I'm asking you... to Pray.... this morning....

for John to be healed.
I... Consider it.... Done.
{no more.... messing around.... }

 along... with All.... who suffer.... today. }



oh... my. : )

It was a Long... day. 

: )

but....

a Good... day. : )

John... is getting better...

: )

should be out of  the ICU... tomorrow...

: )

I... spent the day... on the road...

in the arms...

{riding Shotgun}

of... a couple of my Favorite... Angels...

: )

they... 'look out'... for the old... hatter...

{God...Bless 'em. : ) it was Quite... an Amazing Day.... I Hope... to share with you... Very Soon.

Holy...Smokes! }

When we got back...to the rabbit hole....

{I had been changing... 'hats'... via the phone, throughout the day.... between...

business....

and...

Family...}

one of John's Dr.s called.....

He.... is a Wonderful... Dr. 

I am sure...

but...

oh my...

He's so... very clinical....

I... had a chat with him... on John's last... visit....

at that time....

after he laid.... all of his 'Book Learnin'.... 

and...waaaaay too much..... information....

on me...

about...

'Statistics' ....

I...gently...grasped his knee...

and said...

"You... are a Negative... Nellie"... : )

Today...

again...

he laid... a whole Bunch...

on me...

The same... stuff...

{verbatim }

I said...

I...respected him... thought, he was an Amazing... Dr. 

Thanked him..... for his expertise....

oh my...

but... told him... to let me... relay, any of his thoughts, and opinions... to John...

: )

After...I listened... and carefully... considered, his findings....

I said....

"I'm not a Dr. 

I...don't pretend... to be.... but... here's the way... I see the situation...

only... pulling... from...

Common Sense.

John... has been through, so Much... these last 45 days...

More... than...many... could stand.

at this point...

we need to take it...

One Day... at a Time....

The fact is....

we can't change... yesterday....

and...

we may never have... tomorrow...

None of us....

: )

so... 

let's keep it...

Steady...as She Goes...."

He said.... "that's just putting out fires"....

I said...

"Exactly. Something... we have done... our entire... lives."

I told him... very respectfully....

Clinical... is... 'Clinical'....

He's leaving out... a few things...

Some Very... Important....Things....

in this....Equation...

called...

'Faith'...

'Hope'....

and...

'Trust'

They... are Pretty BIG...

in 'my book'.... <3

: )

Those... are the Ones....

I lean... on.... 

One Day... 

{This Day....}

at a time.

Along... with his 'Gift'....

of...

being... an Amazing... Dr.

: )

I...reiterated... 

how... much...

Very Much...

'Hope'....

needed to be... included....

First... and Foremost...

within every.... formula...

without it....

'Life'....

 doesn't stand a chance..

oh my...

: )

Love... to ya...

Barb C.

Picture...

These..... images... were taken... a few days ago...... : )

John... is my...

James Dean. 

: )

Please keep him... in your Prayers....

He's in intensive care....

tonight...

Seems.... he may have an infection....

oh my....

I...

will be on the road... in the morning....

I...have to be...

on the road...

in the morning....

He knows it...

I...know it....

and... 

I'm sorry... to those who don't.

Bless...their hearts....

{Thank God... for Liz... Donald... Duff.... and Justin... for Holding Down...the Fort. }

Remember...

how I said...

just, yesterday....

To be a Willow.... and an Oak....

will take you...

'round the bend...

: )

Here's a Perfect...example...

{Grabbing....Scrambling.... Fumbling.... for....yet... another.... 'Hat'.... }

I posted the above tune....

because...

it's what sings through my brain.....

every time....

I park the car... in the drive.....

knowing....

I'm walking in... to a house....

Without...

John....

I've always.... considered myself....

a pretty.... independent soul.....

until...

these.... days.

oh...my.

Please....

Keep John... in your... Prayers...

Love to you....

Barb C.

it...rains....

Over the years...
Folks have given me... their Home Canned Gifts... of Summer....
they wonder....when they visit... and see them....
 why...I haven't eaten them....
This...is why...
To me...
This is Art...
a Labor....of
Love...
Memories...
all....
captured...
in a little jar.
: )
The Best... Gift...
on a rainy...morn.....
one... I can enjoy....
Over...and Over... and Over.
A Feast...for my Eyes...
Heart...
and Feeds my Soul....
always.
Blessings...
{The pears.... are from our old Pear Tree.... a friend, came and gathered from.... years ago... then shared with us.... }

It rains.....

I awoke...at dawn....

to the sound...of gentle, Spring rain.....

We...need it....

a Blessing.

Fixed John...a Big... Breakfast.....

Cakes...and Eggs....
{that he ate none...of...
 only... the juice...and oatmeal. }

Oatmeal... and Juice....

Liz and Miss. Scarlett... spent the afternoon here... yesterday....

We found our way..to the rabbit hole.....

: )

it was good...

My friend... Jeff, called... yesterday, from a Sale... and asked if I was interested in a few things that were there....

I was...

He was kind...to gather them...then... deliver them...to the rabbit hole's... door.

: )

As I was preparing Breakfast...for John... this Morn....

I thought of the...Old... Song....

posted above...

oh my...
{I remember... hearing it... for the first time... when I was 5...
living in Cedar Bluff.....
 That was an interesting.... time of my life....
I...couldn't decide... whether... I liked this song... or not...
it was so... Strange...to me...
left me... with such a 'funny' feeling... inside....when I heard it...
Unsettling...
It, tho... I didn't realize it... at the time...
was Perfect....
the 'feeling'... I... had...experienced...
for the very first time... in my life....
 was
 'Bittersweet'...
just like....
that year... spent....
in Cedar Bluff.... }

then... after serving it.... I walked through the house.....

looking inside the Old Cupboards....

{Big... Memory Boxes...}

Gazed upon the flowers... I'd gathered....so many years ago.....

Lilacs... Peonies... Lily of the Valley....

on a Beautiful... Spring...Day....

a...Happy... day... : )

and....

the gifts... from friends....

Memories... memories....

: )

oh my....

I saw an image, on fb this morn....

It was of 'Alice'....

the quote read...

"Would you tell me please.... which way I ought to go from here...."

I...find myself... often thinking... this, myself.

the answer... I find... most often....

is...

'Forward'...

The bigger question...is....

  how long...dare I ponder...and wonder....

before taking that first step....

into the Unknown....

Sometimes....

I feel... like I'm in a Massive Game... of Chess....

sometimes...

several Games....

all playing... in unison...

oh my.

There are so... many... pieces.... should I move.... the wrong one....

it could jeopardize the entire Kingdom....

I visited...with Peg.... the other day.....

about... what...others must think...

when they are...near me....

I... to them.... may show very little emotion....

It's not... that I don't feel it....

oh my...

I...can't show it... not now....

I...can't let the walls down....

I...have to keep moving forward....

She called me later....

and said...

in so many words....

"Barb... you have always.... had to be that way.... you never were a child.... always... the caregiver.... and had to be strong....that's who you are.... When you write... that's... where the tenderness shines through..."

oh my...

I...hope that's true.

I...hope... people... Family... Friends.... understand....

I... have so many 'moves'... to process....

it's not...that I don't care... or... am not... So Very Thankful.....

it's... just... now....

I.... am trying to stay... focused..... on some... level....

every level....

and....still...find the Beauty...in the World....

{Thank You...for sending... the Beauty.....oh my... }
Throughout my life.... I've had to wear many...
 'Hats'....
Thankfully....
a 'Hatter'... I am...
and... being a bit...
'Mad'...
crazy...
has kept me...
from falling... completely... apart.
{kind of like... the Willow... versus... the Oak. : )
tho...
sometimes...
it drives one... a bit...
'round the bend...
when...
you have to be...
Both.}
Love...to You...

Barb C.

{and... if... I could change... my life... go back... please know... I wouldn't change a thing. 

I feel Blessed.... to have been able... to be... 'the caregiver'....

Not... always...the best one.... but... the best one... I could...and can be. }


{I...want to say... how sorry I was to hear, of our Neighbor...
 {and... our Friend... Virginia's... Passing.... }
I was standing outside.... as the Hearse... drove by... the rabbit hole....yesterday....
 oh my... I am so...sorry... I missed her Funeral.....
I...Admired her... so....
John... Loved her... too...
She... was Quite...a Woman....
and will be...
Missed.... }

Just.....sayin'

I had accidentally...deleted, my post about all of the Amazing Angels.....

when I took 'Calling all Angels'...off... {I can only post one song, at a time... }

Please know....

the incident, that happened yesterday....

only makes....

the Amazing Angels....

Shine...That Much....Brighter....

{I met with one... Amazing Angel.... yesterday... morn....

I can't begin, to tell you... what an Angel... she has been.... oh my. }

: )

The Hospital... Nurses...Dr.'s and staff....

{especially...the Social Workers.... }

have been...

Gifts...

so....

to have  one...or... two.....

throughout this 'journey'....

that are less... than that....

is pretty darned good.

: )

It's so... difficult... to watch someone....

suffer...

and...struggle.

and...not be able, to wave a Magic Wand...

and make it...all better...

make it all... go away....

then...

have someone... be so harsh... cold... unfeeling...

uncaring....

well...

that brings out...the fighting side... of me.

Make No Mistake...

I feel...so Very Blessed....

We.... feel.... so Very Blessed...

Love To Ya.....

Barb C.

{I watch the news... every morning.... oh my....

there are So Many... who are Suffering....

God Bless... All.... who... suffer.... }

uh oh.

Took John to his radiation....

this afternoon.....

they rescheduled... it for earlier..

today...

He....is so... tired.

Just think...

in the last 45 days...

he spent...

15...or so...vomiting... non stop...

dizzy....

and unable to walk....

then..

finds out... he has brain cancer...

then...

has major... brain surgery...

then...

finds out...

he also...has a large mass in his lung....

he... couldn't walk...

nor... hold anything... in his left hand....

for weeks....

as the swelling...in his brain affected them....

oh my....

A Whole... Bunch...

to deal with....

for a Man... who never took anything stronger than an aspirin... his entire life...

had been to the Dr. maybe... 10 times... in his life...

never has had a broken bone... or a stitch....

This... Journey... has... been... 

well...

'A Journey'...

for the old... boy. : )

Today... he was to meet... with the oncologist....

He...had met her, in the hospital...

I...had not.

After his radiation... I wheeled him...up to the Office... for the oncologist... appointment...

so... they could decide, which way to go.....

We...waited.... and waited.... and waited.

John.... isn't much for waiting.... when he feels good....

he was so... tired.... he sat next to the window... leaning his head...forward on it...

An office, person, came up to us... said she had noticed we had been there... for a long time... and took John's name...

then....

about 10 minutes later... a nurse came out... {just as I was getting John...some water....} He said, to me.... and her... he would sure like cold...bottled water.... like they have in the radiology.... 

That little girl.... spun around... and said... "I...thought you wanted to be seen...???

 I'll get you water... when I can"....

uh oh...

: )

I said...

{as I was pushing him...along behind her... in the wheelchair...}

"uh oh.... : )

Be Careful.... here.... : ) : ) : ) "

Another Nurse... stepped in.... was so kind... grabbed John a bottled water......

{John...later told me... he had heard me...say that....

 I think... the Kind... Nurse, had as well.... the other.... must...have ignored it... 

uh oh. }

Then...

we get to the exam room.....

Now... I'll admit... John... is cranky...

He's... Exhausted...

He said to the little nurse....

after she took his blood pressure....
{which... was very.... low.... }

"If it's going to be...another hour.... you may come back... to an empty room...."

As she closed the door....

tho... John didn't hear it....

she said...

"Good"...

Uh....Oh....

: )

I didn't tell John... what I had heard.....

 I just...sat... and watched him.....
processing...
{uh...oh. }
{I...had already... been a Million...Miles.....
before Noon....with....Everything....
uh...oh..... }

He was...So tired.....

So....Weak.....

we waited... about 10 minutes....more...

He said...quietly... under his breath....

 "get me...out of here"...

I said...

" o.k.

If you want to go... let's go..."

He thought, I was being sarcastic....

{I usually...make him sit through... everything.... and talk him off the cliff.... 

I've had to sit...for years... at Dr.'s offices.. with Mom and Dad...

yeah... I know the drill... }

: )

I said... "Nope....: ) I'm serious.... let's get outta here... : )

 this is just an exam... you... are Beat... Let's Go! "

"but....: ) give me...just a moment.... at the desk... : ) "

uh oh.

uh...oh.

Love to ya....

and...yes....

May The Lord... Help... 

those...

who stand between.... 

us....

Peace... and...Hope....

uh oh.

{I was a Waitress.... for many years.... 

I wouldn't have treated... Any... of my Customers.... the way...she treated John... 

and some of them... were Tuff... 'Bar Rush'... Folk....

{oh...my.... }

I...Never... would have dreamed...of it... ever....ever....ever.

None...not..one...of them... had been through... a moment... of what this Man... has endured......

these last many... Difficult... Weeks.

Shame... On...Her....}

oh...

yeah...

it got ugly....

the hatter... came out... in full force.

uh oh.

{Peg came rolling Through... this Morn... She and Michael... are doing GREAT!!! 

She said.... to BE SURE 

and Thank... All of the Angels... for their

 Continued Prayers....

: ) : ) : )

It...was Like A Miracle... when she was seen.....at Mayo....

Her Lungs... in a Day... were Clear... 

all of the Dr.'s were...Floored!!!! 

Her Scans... are ALL GREAT!!! No cancer...ANYWHERE!!!!

She said.... To Be SURE...

and Send a HUGE 'Thank You'...

and 'LOVE You All'.... 

for 'Keeping' Them...

I... Thank You... Too...

God Bless... All of The Angels!!! }
{I shared the above...'Journey'  with Peg...this afternoon....
I...know... had she been there.... she would have known... with the last...
'uh oh'... to Run.....
She said...
oh... dear....
If...she would have been there....
either She... would have Been Rippin' and Snortin'....
or...
Running....
and telling the little nurse....
as she Blew Past her....
she had better...
too. }
uh oh.
oh...my.
{had a hard time... deciding... if 'Run, Woman...Run'...by Tammy...or... 'Fist City'... by Loretta... was the perfect fit... for this afternoon....
Hmmmm....
The Words... 'Trash'...'Pity'...'Garbage Can'... and 'Layin' off of My Man'....seemed.... Perfect....
so... it was 'Loretta'... all the way. : ) : ) : )
Not to mention... the title....}
{there... was more.... throughout this... 'Journey'.... I won't get into... }
oh my....
yes...
now you see....
why... I depend...so...
on the 'Perfect'... Wings....}
{and... I Knew... there was a resurrected.... Ford... Mustang... {Jethro}....
Our... 'Chariot'...
: )
waiting... to FLY... just outside the door...
: )
uh...huh....
: )
uh oh....
: ) }

moments....gifts... surprises...and... the rabbit hole.

today....

I took...some...sweet advice...

and found a few moments...

for... myself...

down the rabbit hole...

: )

It was... two birds... with one stone...

I needed to get things... picked up...

post...

'Garden Party'... weekend....

but...

I also... took a few moments....

taking it all in...

myself...

just...

me.

: )

As I crossed over the threshold...

into... the old... greenhouse....

it...was so.... soothing...

the old... Fountain... 

murmuring....

: )

the Beautiful...

Flora...

Smiling....

: )

{thanks... to Val... : )}

the 'Structure'....

{thanks... to Steph.... : )}

then...

I heard a Very.... Familiar... tune.

{Don't have a cd player, there... so... count on... a forgotten radio station...that, at times... plays some... pretty cool stuff.... : ) }

The Above tune....

was playing...

{sadly...no... one... plays this.... ever...ever... ever. }

It was The Rabbit Hole's Choice...

: )

What a Gift.

Greensleeves....

by Loreena McKinnett

I played Loreena for Years... down the rabbit hole...

24/7...

her voice... Is...

 {along with Alison's} 

'The Voice'...

of the rabbit hole.

oh my...

: )

{Greensleeves....

 takes me back.... waaaaaay.... back... to when I was... a little girl... 

{5... to be exact...}

and...to... Mom.... 

: )

kind... of... melancholy.... 

I will have to admit...

 this 'gift'... touched... many.... Heart Strings... and... emotions... : ) 

in...

just a few... short....

moments...}

Love... to ya...

And...

Thank You...

to All... who are here...

for me.

Barb C.

Waiting... for Hope...

Waiting...

for

'Hope'...
That...
Requires a Whole Lot... of Patience...

: )

May God... Help...

Those...

who stand...

in the Way...

of it.

: )




{just found the above... Sermon...
: )
after a Long... Day.
{in so...many... many... ways. }
A couple of my dear Friends... know... why... I posted the above....post.
: )
What....they... nor... I knew...
was The Message...of the above... Sermon.... I would stumble across... tonight.
oh my.
oh....my...
Hope you spend a little time, and listen to Joel.
seems...
it was meant...to be.
Glad... I deleted the post...I had written... earlier. It...simply... didn't... 'fit'. }



Thanks... to.... Everyone...

Thanks... So Much...

to Everyone....

for giving us....

a Great Garden Party Weekend....

: )

oh my...

oh... my.

: )

Love You... All...

so...very... very... much.

: )

I Hope....

you All...

know that...

love....

Love...

LOVE...

to...

Each and Everyone.... of You.

Barb C.
{I...feel so Very Blessed...
to have So Many... Amazing....
'Bridges'
on my 'Journey'...
Thank You...
thank... you...
God... Bless You...
All...
for being my
AWESOME
Bridges....}