me....and,
Dad.
Mom...always said...that I, was 'The Apple of Dad's Eye'.
I, felt the Same Way...about Dad.
<3
John...send's me 'Heart Winks', often...too.
<3
Somehow, I can tell Dad's...from John's.
<3
I...just, 'Know'.
<3
Shortly...after John...left us, {I...know...many won't believe this...}
I was bringing Polly, my Beloved...Four Legged, 'Best Friend'...in,
from her last outside visit, of the day.
It was late...late.
Opened the breezeway door, to let her in, and there stood Dad.
Close enough...that I could nearly...reach out, and touch him.
I knew his form...and, didn't feel surprised, for some reason.
I couldn't see his face, he never spoke...a word.
Just stood there, holding a small pail, in his hands, in front of him.
Like...he was offering it, to me.
Tho...he didn't speak, I could feel his heavy sorrow.
I spoke...to him, and asked him to come inside.
Looked down, as Polly was coming up the steps, beside him,
opening the door wider, to accommodate both Dad, and Polly....
then, looked up, and Dad was gone.
That...was in 2014, or early...2015.
I...think Dad...was here, to let me know...he's watching over.
<3
I've not seen him, since...but, in my darkest hours, most...difficult days, I get a 'Wink', more often..than not.
<3
I...think of him...every day.
I shared this with my Sister, {Dad's oldest Daughter....} Jo Ann, several years ago....
didn't expect her to believe me, either.
She didn't bat an eye, and...said she believed me.
<3
{When I was 15, I took a job, caring for an Elderly Lady, over nights.
Her Family....was afraid to have her be alone...at night.
One early morning, daybreak...Dad...showed up, at her door.
I opened the door, to see him standing there, much like...he'd been standing, in 2014.
I told Dad, days before he came to where I was working....
if...he'd pick me some Gooseberries, I'd make him a Pie.
<3
Gooseberries were growing wild...in a pasture, we had rented for the Horses.
Dad, had commented, that Spring, how he loved his Grandmother's Gooseberry Pie, when he was a little boy.
<3
I looked at Dad, as he was standing there...at the door, mostly...wondering, what he'd brought.
Focused on the little berry bucket, in his hands.
He...didn't speak...
so...I looked up, saw his face....with tears streaming from his sad, sad...eyes.
{I...couldn't imagine, what had happened.}
He...tried to speak...but...kept choking up.
Finally....he got the word's out.
he said...
"White Cloud, {my Beloved Horse...Best Friend, in The World}....was struck by lightning last night, she's dead."
Looking back, I remember....consoling Dad, more...than he consoled me, that early morning.
He...was so Broken.
: (
I took the Gooseberries, from his hands, held Dad...in my arms, as he wept.
: (
Told him...to get to work, I'd come see him, and White Cloud, as soon as the next person arrived, to take over.
<3
Cleaned...the Gooseberries, and made that Pie, for Dad...before I left.
<3
Make no mistake, I had Major Melt Downs....over White Cloud.
Still do, sometimes.
I, just couldn't let Dad...see them.
ever.
His heart...was far.. too tender, to see me, or anyone...he loved, in anguish.
The Gazette Reporter, who wrote the article about Dad, called Mom's house, the afternoon Dad...passed away.
I, was there...with her, trying to console...her.
He's the one, who asked if Dad...was 'kind of a Hermit'.
Hahahaha...
oh my.
Dad, couldn't have been further from that.
: )
He never knew a 'stranger'.
He loved...'People'. Would give anyone...his last nickel, did...I watched him do it, many...many, times.
Never knew a Man..who worked harder, for so little...at times.
{Think...that's why I admired John, so...from the first time I met him.
Few...have a work ethic, like my Dad.
John...did. <3 }
Dad...didn't always do things...by The Book.
; )
But...he'd Git 'er Done!!!
: )
He had quite the Gift...of Gab, as Mom..would say.
<3
From Deputies...to The Health Department...Dudes, who would often not agree with Dad's 'Methods'....
really Liked Dad.
<3
He...was a Character, to say the least.
Lived...Life, for the most part, 'His Way'.
<3
Dad...was a Free Spirit, and...would do anything, to help someone.
Again, I watched him do that, over...and over.
<3
Dad always had the best...of intentions, tho...they didn't always work out, as he planned.
He'd never disappoint anyone, on purpose...but, often...stretched himself out, a bit too thin, to be able...to please...everyone.
<3
I, was probably...the only one...who truly... understood that.
My Mother...would get so angry...with Dad, when he'd break his promises, to her...but, especially...angry, with Dad, when he broke his promises...to me.
: (
I, was never...disappointed, with Dad...during those times.
Guess, I'd travelled with Dad...enough, when I was little, and growing up...to see the 'Shenanigans', he'd get himself into.
: )
Oh My.
; )
I, knew...if he couldn't be there for me, when he'd 'promised'...he had a Darned...Good Reason!!!
<3 <3 <3
Witnessed Many of Those...'Shenanigans'...First Hand, as well.
Hahahahaha!!!!
{Loved Every Adventure.}
John...thought the world...of Dad.
The feeling was Mutual.
<3 <3
Dad knew John...years before I met him.
Dad...always said, what a Good Man, John...was, long...before I met him.
He was right, a Thousand...Percent,
Right. <3
John, shared the above...with me, the last year...he was here, on 'this' day.
John knew...how difficult, this day is, every year.
He, knew, from suffering his own...Tragic Losses, over the years, there was nothing...he could do, to make the grief go away.
But... John, also knew....the Best 'Comforter's' come with 4 legs.
<3 <3 <3
I've done a lot...of soul searching, over the last many months.
Wonder, what Dad...would be advising...me to do, over the last...several years.
I'm sure he'd be disappointed, a little, that I've been so ornery, and...short tempered, at times.
He wouldn't like it, that I drink way too much wine, several...nights a week, and smoke..way....too many stogies.
He...wouldn't like it, that I swear...at all.
{Never did, around him, or Mom. <3
Never smoked, or swore...in front of Dad.
He never said...I couldn't. He 'hoped'...I wouldn't.
I, knew...he wouldn't approve. That's all I needed to know.
Respect. }
He'd be disappointed, that...I've allowed other's....to steal my joy, no matter...how wrong they've been, in doing so.
{He'd smilingly refer to those kind of Folk's...as 'Candy Asses',
or...'Baby Robins' {All mouth, and full of shit. } ; )
and...that I should never...let them get on my nerves.
Just...keep doin'...and movin' along. ; ) Dad, like John...would say, "It'll be alright." : )
I, always...Believed Them, when they said it. Always. <3}
but...
He'd Love Me...anyway.
That's...a Fact.
<3
I'm gonna work on doing better, do things...kind of the way Dad, would expect me to.
Daughter, Liz...called, a bit ago.
She...remembered what today is.
<3 <3 <3
Told her...I was writing, 'therapy'...and I'd call her back, when I'm done.
<3
Certainly...shouldn't have put makeup on, this morning.
It's a wash.
oh dear.
As I've written, many times before....
I've truly...been Blessed.
Wonderful Family, Friends...Critters, 'Angels'...have covered my life, from the beginning.
I get so wrapped up...tangled up, with the Throttle Wide Open, sometimes...especially...these last, several years...
I, forget that.
Can't imagine...what my life would've been like, without Dad in it.
<3 <3 <3
Love..to You.
Prayers, for All.
Barb C.
{I took care of Dad's Funeral arrangements.
His Favorite Song, was Somewhere My Love, Lara's Theme, from his Favorite...Movie,
Dr. Zhivago.
The Pianist...at the Funeral Home, couldn't find 'Lara's Theme', said...she could play Somewhere My Love...but, that's all she could do.
Well...
That wasn't good enough.
We found it.
<3
She asked what other 'music'...should she play.
I, told her... "Nothing else, just That...over, and over."
She...Beautifully...obliged. }
<3 <3 <3
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