Thursday, February 13, 2020

So Much... yet, so...little.



Today marks the 33rd. year, since Dad...left us.
It was a Friday...the 13th., that February...1987.
I was 23, and thought...as I spoke with the Cedar Rapids Gazette, reporter...
The World...had come to an End.

Dad, was involved in a fire, he worked so hard trying to put it out, he ultimately had a 
chest aneurysm, that wasn't caught...at the hospital, before it was too late.
The fire broke out...around midnight, Dad...passed away, at 7:37 a.m.
Dad had fixed up an old camper, had it situated on a patch of timber, he rented...where he kept his Beloved old Tractors, and Trucks.
He so enjoyed working on them.
He...could make Anything...Run!
<3
It was unseasonably warm, that February...
 Dad...insisted on staying there.
He heated the old camper, with wood, and...that's how the fire started.
I worried about Dad, being there...but, he so Loved...it there.
: )

I took him his lunch, every day...whether he was staying there, or at Mom's...at night.
Dad, was Always...at his Happy Place, during the day.
No matter what. : )
Mom, Justin...and...I, went to visit him, on the 12th., for lunch...as always.
I'd baked Dad a heart shaped cake... for Valentine's Day, that morning.
Thought...he could snack on it...throughout the day.
After the fire, I...couldn't go back there. Never have. 
Took me five years, before I could drive past it.
Thankfully, John...went, the next day...
and took a look...for me, to see what had happened, and...what might be salvageable.
When John returned home, he said...
"Everything is a total loss...but, I saw the strangest thing, inside the burned out camper.
There was a half eaten, heart shaped cake....in the middle of the camper, untouched...by the fire, like...someone, had 'just'...set it there."
<3
John, had no idea....I'd baked that cake, for Dad. 
That...was my very First...'Heart Wink'. <3
I've been 'seeing' them...ever since.
<3
John, sends them...Often, now... too. 
<3 <3 <3
Somehow...I always know, if it's Dad, or...John.
Sometimes, Both. 
<3 <3 <3 
I miss Dad, every day.
I think of him, throughout each day.
: )
He, was such a Blessing...in my life.
Taught me so much, in the little time...we had together.
: )
He was Such a Kind, and...Loving...Man.
{He never knew a stranger. : ) Dad, was loved...by many, from every walk of life. : ) }
Mom, always said that I, was the Apple of his eye, and...he thought the Sun...rose, and set...on me.
The Feeling, was Mutual.
<3
I, couldn't Wait...to see Dad, every day. 
I, Loved...being with him.
Dad would take me with him... Everywhere, when he could.
Mom told me, his friends...would tease Dad, about changing my diapers.
After all...back in those days, That....was Women's Work.
: )
He'd take me to Farm Auctions, and Livestock Auctions...before I could walk.
: )
I wonder...how many Miles...we covered together, bouncin' down these old country roads.
He and I...talked, and...talked.
The Wonderful...Stories, he told. : )
He...was Quite an Adventurer. 
Sometimes...he'd say..."Sing for me. : ) I...sure love to hear you sing." 
<3 <3 <3 
Our old trucks, rarely had working radios. : ) 
Looking back...
Many of them...didn't have 'much'...that 'worked'...at all.!
Hahaha.
I remember, an old...Dodge Truck, that Dad drove for a while....that didn't have a windshield, or...a seat, for me.
Dad rigged up a 5 gallon bucket, turned upside down...for my perch.
: )
The funny thing, is...
I, didn't think a Thing...about it.
: )
Life...was Good, if Dad...was in it. 
: )
The Adventures!!
Hahahaha!!
oh...my.
<3
{Who needs to go to The Fair... when you Live...an Adventure, every single day. 
That's... Priceless. : ) }
He taught me how to drive...when I was 7.
I remember sitting on phone books, so I could see over the steering wheel.
: )
I remember him telling me Exactly...how to drive, the first time... pulling a truck out of a ditch.
{there were many...after. : ) }
"I've got the chain hooked up....when I get in the truck {stuck}...I'll beep the horn. 
You...put the car in drive...go real...easy, until you feel it stop, that's when the chain...will be tight. 
Then...keep giving it gas, until we start to move. 
Go Easy...now. 
Don't give'r too much gas....: )
We don't want your tires to spin. : ) 
I'll beep the horn, again...when you should let off of the gas. : ) "
Hahahaha!
Oh My.
: )
He taught me how to drive a stick, when I was 10. 
I was tall enough, then...
: )
Adventures!!!
Hahahaha!
Overheard my oldest Sister, Jo Ann... scold Dad, when I was little,
because she thought, Dad....wasn't letting me be a 'kid'.
He was making me grow up...too fast. 
: (
{she was about 23 years older than me. }
How Wrong...she was.
When I heard her lecturing Dad, {I...was about 9}
it made me so mad, and...sad.
: (
Thought to myself, 
If Jo Ann thinks, I'd prefer to live...like her children live, oh my.
She...was wrong.
Perfect...Everything.
Fancy clothes, pretty bedrooms, everything...
 neat...and tidy.
'Adventure-less'...
without...
Dad.
well...
That...wasn't Livin'...as far as I...was concerned.
Feel the same way, today.
Dad...was a Gift, in my life.
<3 <3 <3 
I, could go on...and, on. 
: )
Guess, Dad gave me...his 'Gift of Gab'....too. 
<3
Hahahaha!!


It's been so very difficult, here...over the last two days.
I was going to write about it, but...realized....it was February 13th.
I, won't spoil...my Dad's memories...with, this 'Hell', around...here.
Probably...will wait, until the 15th., to catch you up.
I, won't give 'Valentine's Day'...away, for 'this'....either.
Love...to You.
Barb C.
{I think....one of the Best Gifts, Dad...ever gave me,
was to See the Beauty, in what, and...who, so many....
dismiss, and...overlook.
: )
<3 <3 <3
Dad...also...believed in me.
He taught me...I could do Anything, if I truly believed in myself.
What Greater Gifts, could a Father, Give...a Daughter. }

This is all...I can show...today, about what's going on, here.
A Dear...FB Friend, Dawn... read my story about Dad, and...Hearts, 'Winks'...
 I'd written this morning, on FB.
She asked if I'd noticed this Tree, from a picture...I took day before yesterday.
I...had not.
: (
I...was in absolute Shock....while taking pictures, that day.
I...could barely...walk.
Barely.... Breathe.
: ( : ( : (
Yes...
Dad, and...John, are Very Close, especially....in the darkest times.
I...sat here...sobbing, when I 'Saw'...This, a few minutes ago.
I'm hoping, we can get a log cut from this Beautiful Tree, John planted....so many, years ago.
They've already piled Everything in the ditch....but, hopefully....we can find, this one.
I'm So Grateful... Dawn, pointed This... out.
<3 <3 <3  



A while.... before John...passed away, as I was heading to the Cemetery....
John, stopped me,
he was standing in the kitchen.
He reached into his pocket, and said...
"Here...take this with you. "
as he placed that hundred year old Bolt...in my hand. : )
John said...
"I found this today, and thought of your Dad. : )
 He's probably workin' on something....some old Tractor...Up There, and might need this. "
<3 <3 <3 
At the end...of this day...thinking, so Much, about Dad, and...the Way, he lived his life.
: )
I think...of the tune, 'My Way'.
That, was Dad.
: )
He never had much 'money', but...on most every other level....
Dad...was one of the Richest People...I've ever been Blessed to have known.
<3 <3 <3

1 comment:

kim Nizzi said...

What a loving tribute to an amazing father. I can see he made you what you are today.