Christmas....

I'm gonna try this post....

one more time.

I, Tried....Tuesday.

oh my.

Tuesday, was a Long...Hard....Day.

I was finishing up....the house, and...ran across two, small...totes.

I'd pulled EVERY BIT of Christmas....out, this year.

Much, I...haven't seen, in many years.

I...wanted to go through all of it, and organize.

oh my.

When I opened the First, little tote....

it was like Sparkles Shot Straight Out Of The Tote!!!

I, knew....who had last packed These Totes.

<3 <3 <3 

{The second tote, was Exactly....the same.}

Oh My.

: ( : ( : ( 

It was a Gift, to See...John's handwork, but....

They took my breath...away.

Pulling 'Christmas' together, by myself....this year, was really, really....difficult.

Usually, I'm in a big...hurry, and those who are helping, Liz....or, John....well, we'd be Dancin' around each other. : )

This time, every inch...of it, hit home...hard.

Those, last....two....little totes, really knocked my pins, out...from underneath me.

: ( : ( : (

Then, had to gather myself up....to attend the regular City Council Meeting.

I'm sure...Folks wonder why, I keep going.

Well, had I been attending, over the years, I most likely....wouldn't have had to Fight for Our Lives, the last Four Years.

I've learned...I can't trust our City Hall.

We've Lost Much.....Much.

I, have to stay on top of what I can.

It makes me physically sick, to attend these meetings.

To watch, what's happening.

: ( : ( : ( 

Try...to, forgive....what they've put us through.

By the time....I got home, Tuesday night, I....was pretty drained, to say the least.

Spent the entire day....Wednesday, in John's old...recliner.

I wrapped up, in the softest, warmest....blanket we have, and....sipped piping hot....soup, for lunch, and supper.

Didn't answer the phone, and...watched Vintage T.V. programs, all day.

Completely....Shut 'The World'...Out.

I, didn't have any more tears, left.

I, was completely....done.

Done.

: (

Guess, many of us....can relate.

Too...many. 

: (

I finished, most....of 'Christmas', today.

Picked up, and packed up....empty totes, and boxes.

Still have to adorn...the old Horse, on the Balcony.

: )

It's his First Time, here... <3

Found him, at Rochester, 'Gold Rush', in August.

<3

He didn't sell, at my shows, so....

Here He Is.

<3

I, put the Old...Sleigh, up there....with him.

<3

{That, was a 'Trick'. : ) }

I've got them secure, so when the Kids, and Grandkids...come for Christmas, there won't be any Casualties. : ) 

One of the most...difficult moments, Tuesday, was when I found the old Horse Feed Bag, that John had in the shop, to put trash in.

He'd thrown all of the metal shavings from his Hand Cut Tin....Artwork.

YIKES!!

I, remember telling him, that those 'shavings', were as much 'Art', as his Beautiful....Finished, Creations...were. : )

{He Rolled His Eyes....Hahahaha...

as, he watched me scooping them from the floor, into that feed sack. : ) : ) : ) <3 }

Pulling them, from that...bag, just....about, did me in. 

{John hand cut, the 'Simply Iowa' Piece, for me...and gave it to me for Christmas. <3 <3 <3 }

I've been playing with some of the Old...Trucks.

That's...where I found enough sanity....to keep goin'....Tuesday, afternoon.

Playing, with those....old trucks.

<3

They remind me, of my Dad...and, John.

<3 <3 <3 

Daughter, Liz....said, she felt so bad...she couldn't help me...this year.

I, told her....not to.

<3 <3 <3 

The truth, is....I spent many years, doing 'Christmas'....alone.

: ) 

It...never bothered me, at all. 

It, was Such a Gift....when I moved out, on my own...to 'Do' Christmas...

<3 <3 <3 

I couldn't afford much, but...Dolsey, my Beloved Great Dane, and...I....Loved, that first...

little Tree.

<3 <3 <3

It's not...being alone, that I struggle with.

It's the feeling, of being Less, than...alone, that....truly, hurts.

{Even...when you're surrounded by Folks. }

It's difficult, to put into words.

: (

I'm sure....there are Folks out there....who understand, what I mean. 

I Had...to 'Do' Christmas....as Big, as I Could...this year.

<3 <3 <3 

I want our Grandkids....to be Mesmerized....by 'Christmas'.

<3 <3 <3 

Never, forget....the True, Meaning....

but, 

be a little, mesmerized....

too.

<3 <3 <3

Love, to...You.

Barb C. 

{I thought about this post, after...I'd written it.
'Lonely', isn't the same...for everyone.
I'd been alone, for a long time....when I was young.
But, I....never 'knew'...'Lonely', until...I lost John.
I'm posting one of my Favorite Tunes, above....by Vince Gill, from many years ago....
that, comes pretty close to the definition.}