Saturday, June 7, 2014

From Me... to You....

I have been thinking....
about a lot, of things, these last many days.....
My mind... races... on the drive... back and forth.... to Davenport... each day.
One of them... that has bothered me....is how Folks... feel... about me working....now....
I had a friend, leave a comment.... saying how she was surprised... that I was.
I need to address this.
First of all...
I am, beyond... broken.
Words, cannot express.... 
I cry every Morning....when I wake up...
and every Night....when I go to bed...
My gut.. is twisted....in a knot.
 I feel like a bird... who has lost a wing.....
and  can only spin, in circles....
I have lost.... a Huge... part of myself.....
But... John, would understand.... me working....
He was so excited about this... and had planned on coming...
He also knew... the Mountains, that  that lay ahead....
The fact is... I have no choice....
none....
but to work... and work as hard as I can....
I signed a contract...months ago, to take this Sale on...
I will give it...my Very Best....
I, think, how some people...may think I don't care.... like, when I cleaned Mom's room out....
with Liz... 
with so little emotion....
You see....
I have to be this way....
I learned to be this way... when I was a little girl.
From the time, I was about 10.... I handled... most everything, for Dad....
I always ran offense.... for him....
Always... the Warrior... that stood between...Trouble... and my Loved ones....
Sometimes.... I would get screamed at....and threatened.... but, instead of crumbling....
I'd talk them off the cliff.... and... make things.... work....
I was crushed... inside... but, would never show it....
There was a job to be done....
and if I melted....I couldn't get it done.... and... I'd never find my feet....
Today....
I have never, had so many 'jobs'...to be done.....
on every level...
No one... has any idea....how very many....
John didn't.... Mom, didn't... the Kids... don't....
I, am Thankful... for that....because... they had, and have...enough....
 More...than enough....
Make, no mistake....
I know, in my heart.... I will melt.... one day...
but... it can't be today.... or... tomorrow...
or next week... or even, next month.
I have many 'Jobs'...to get done.
Don't worry... I have been 'seasoned'...my entire life to withstand the heat....
but.... when I talk... business....
and do business....
you will..never.... see me stumble....
{I may slip.... and trip... now and then... but I won't Fall... : )
 God has sent some... Amazing Angels.... to keep that from ever happening.... }
You see.... I don't have that luxury, now....
So... please forgive me.... if I don't seem, like the person, everyone thinks, I should be....
I simply don't have that option....
I'll be writing about this sale.... over the next several days....
That...is where my head, will have to stay... 
This 'journey' would have been grueling.... to say the least, on it's own....
It's...amazing.... and I hope, Everyone will come.... and be a part of it....
I want to Thank...Everyone...for the Beautiful Cards....
I haven't opened them all..yet....
I can't....
for multiple reasons.....
Just seeing the return Names and Addresses.... warms my Soul...
Thank You.
Love You...
so much...
Please, continue to 'keep' me... in your Prayers....
They... 
You... 
are what is carrying me.... 
Thank You... for that...
God Bless....
Barb C.








7 comments:

summersundays-jw said...

You don't have to explain yourself to anyone and if you do they're really not your friend. My favorite saying is "you do what you have to do until you don't have to do it anymore". Hang in there lady!!!!! Jan

simplyiowa said...

Thank You.... Jan.
: )
Love You.

sue in mexico mo said...

Barb, your life is forever changed and only you know how best to cope and heal. You don't have to explain or make excuses to ANYONE! One day you will wake up and realize you aren't crying - doesn't mean you will make it through the day without tears, but then one day you will. . . .doesn't mean you have forgotten or that you don't hurt, but it does get easier to make it through the days and nights.

Anonymous said...

Barb you just keep on keepin on, that is what you have to do and need to do, my thoughts are with you and the critters every day. Jo

simplyiowa said...

Thanks... Susie Q. and Jo....
Love You Both... : )
God...Bless... ya.
: )

Kari from Meadowview Farm said...

We all journey through the valleys in our own way, in our own time.....with no need for explanation. There is no road map for this.
Peace to you dear Barb!
Kari

simplyiowa said...

Thank You.... Kari...
Love to ya... : )