Words left...unsaid.

Been doin' a lot...of thinkin' as I've been watching over Peanut.

: )

The horrific news, about Kobe Bryant, his beautiful...daughter, the Families, that'll never be together, again...

because, of a few feet, between a helicopter and the ground.

: (

So Many....suffer, every moment, of every day.

Sadly, the truth is...

none of us, are getting out of here...alive.

We never know...from one moment, to the next, what lies in store.

Our Journey, is a brief one.

Just...a bundle of 'Moments', for each of us.

The ones who are left behind...so, broken...and, lost, are the ones....

I truly...mourn for.

I'd read something, a few days ago...about how Folks, in the morning....

rush around, get dressed, grab a bite of breakfast, maybe...

say their 'Good Byes', and hurry off...to take on another day, never thinking for a moment, that 'moment' 

might

be the last moment, we have the opportunity to say...

"I Love You."

and...

tell each other, how Very...Much, we all mean, to one another.

: (

I, have few regrets...in life.

I work hard...to stay away from them.

I, know...how painful, they are, especially...when there is no way, to ever make them 'right', again.

Those...regrets, will haunt me....until my Journey, is over.

'The words...left unsaid', are my Biggest regrets.

John's coat, and boots...are where he left them.

They don't make me sad...anymore.

He wore them...when he was 'Well', and we had 'Hope'. 

: )

I, like to bury my face...in his old jacket, by the door...now, and then.

Smell...his scent, on the collar,

 and...remember....how he cursed this time of year, 

as he was putting it on, to head to the Shop, 

and Feed the Critters, on January mornings...like this one.

: )

I've gathered antiques...throughout my life.

since I was a child.

There's something...soulful, and comforting....about them.

I've tried to figure it out, over the years, why....I'm so drawn to them.

Maybe, it's the stories my Dad used to share with me, about his childhood...

growing up in Derby, Iowa, during The Depression.

Being raised...'Loved' by his Grandparents.

At the Farm Auctions, we'd use to attend, before the 'Scrap' sold, Dad...would walk around the old Farms, and point out what the old things were, and how he remembered, fondly...how his Grandmother used them.

<3

Dad, could take me right to that old Farmhouse, where he grew up...

with his stories. : ) <3

I, could almost smell the bread baking...from his Grandmother's 'Warm Morning'...Cook Stove, he so often spoke of.

<3

Like Dad....when I look at things, I've gathered, and...dear Friends, have gifted to me...over the years, in the Old...Cupboards, and throughout the house, I...too, smile...often, thinking of where they came from, and the Dear Ones, who....have 'moments', with them...attached.

<3

But...there's a few things, that....give me pause.

Oh...my. 

This...Old, old....

Burl Bowl, is one of them.

Pal, Jan...brought it to The Memorial Day Weekend Sale...here, in 2014.

She'd brought several...wonderful, late 1700's, and 1800's Bowls, and wooden boxes.

I bought this one, because...it was so soulful.

It has a large crack, in the side, and had been patched. : )

It was so dirty. {She'd probably found it in a Barn, somewhere....and never got around to fixing it, and cleaning it. }

The Memorial Day Weekend Sale, runs Friday, Saturday, Sunday....and, Monday.

John, had just completed all of the horrible radiation treatments, and was resting in the house, during that 2014 Sale.

Saturday, during a slow time, of The Sale....

I, sat down...under John's Old Oak, and began cleaning the Burl Bowl.

: )

I stayed close to the house, within 30 feet, of where John....was resting, inside.

I sat...throughout the day...scrubbing that old bowl.

Took an old piece of wire, and pulled the crack together, best I could....knowing John, when he was up to it, would put an Awesome...Old, Tin Patch on it, where the crack...had been patched before.

: )

<3

Late, in the day...a Friend, stopped by, and asked if I'd like to join her for Supper, up the road.

I, went inside....asked John, what he'd like from there, and I'd bring it back.

: )

"Bring me a Hamburger, Fries....and a Coke." : )

As I was waiting for our food, visiting with Friends, a family member, of one of my Friends, came...and sat down with us.

Her Mother, was also battling cancer.

She went on, and on....about an oncologist her Mother was so taken with.

It was the same....oncologist that stole our Hope....away, a month earlier.

: (

{Tried to. : ( }

The Family member, and I....had many words, thankfully...only words.

It got pretty intense. 

I left, took John his burger....: ) 

We talked, for a little while...{Good Things. } as he ate...then, I went on to bed.

{John, slept in his recliner. <3 That's where he was most comfortable. }

<3

John, left us....forever, the next day.

When I see that bowl...

all I can think of, is that I sat....

30 feet, from John...that entire day before....

and, of All...the 'Words left unsaid'. 

: ( : ( : (..... 

I think...of the 'Wasted' words, spoken to that 'Family member', who meant absolutely...

nothing, to me.

 Talking about a man, 'oncologist', who meant less....than nothing, to me.

: (

'Regrets'. 

: (

This was the last piece, John and I worked on...together.

We took an old, Amana Barrel Band, with handles, cut an oval board, from an old Amana Box, side....

and, made a Wooden Tray.

{Two of them. }

: )

We Worked So Hard.... to get that band, to tightly fit.

Oh My!!

We kept sanding, little by little. : ) He'd hand sand...then, I would.

: )

I'd hold the board, as he'd try to tap the band around it.

: )

Then, John...would hold the board, as I tried to tap the metal band, in place.

We could only take a little off of the edge, at a time, because we needed the band to fit tight.

If we sanded too much off of the big board, the band would be loose, and fall off.

oh my!

We were making them for Nashville, in February...that year.

That, was just before John fell ill. 

I forgot to put them, on the load.

Thankfully.

<3 <3 <3 

I gave Pal, Jan...the other, for helping me, so.....that year. <3

The Old...Cupboard, above....

is one I found in an 1850's Summer Kitchen, {was original House, on a Farm...my Dad lived in, near North Liberty, Iowa....in the early 1940's}

John, and I worked so hard, getting it out.

It was hotter than heck, that day.

It was built in, between the Stone Fireplace, and wall.

It's Walnut...and nearly 8 feet tall.

Heavy...Heavy, oh...my.

; )

The owner of the Farm, was going to take the Summer Kitchen down, I wasn't sure...

taking that old Cupboard out, wasn't going to bring the old...structure down, around us.

hahahaha.

We, kept goin'...anyway. : )

It was a 'God Wink'...that brought me, to that Farm.

Long....unbelievable...story.

To have something, my Dad....had lived with, long....before I was a twinkle in his eye, was Priceless.

: )

I, often wonder....what he'd think, if he could see it now.

<3

He could never have imagined....back in the day, his youngest daughter, born...25 years after...he left that Farm...would bring that old Cupboard, to our Home, nearly 25 years, after he...left this Earth. 

Oh my. 

It holds, so many...precious memories.

Every little thing, inside....'Dad's Cupboard', has a story.

Memory.

<3 

As I was taking Peanut outside, the other morning....

I saw a Huge...Crane, sitting on what used to be our land.

So...It, begins.

: (

I, have some regrets, about....those moments, when...I said nothing.

I, hope...John knows, how Hard...I've stood, to make things as right, and fair....as I could, for him.

<3 <3 <3 

I, hope... well, I know....I've done nearly Everything I can, to prevent others, from enduring Loss, so unnecessarily, next to this insane Highway.

{still have to write that letter. }

I'm sorry, in advance....for the 'regrets', others will endure, should they push forward, with a trail, next to 151, through Fairfax.

Sure wouldn't want to be them. : (

I, Pray....for All, who are Suffering, and....Struggling, today.

Dad, always told me, if you know in your Heart, you've done your best....then, you should have no regrets.

: )

He, said....

"Regrets, are hard to live with."

They, sure are. 

It's the things, we 'didn't' do....in the moments, little 'moments'....that can hurt, the most.

I, wonder....sometimes, had I known...when I picked up that bowl, and...sat down, under John's Old...Oak,

had...

an Angel, 

whispered in my ear, about what was going to unfold, over the next 24 hours....

how, would I have done things differently.

In my dreams, over the last, nearly 6 years...I've been Blessed, to see John, and live....those last 'moments', a few times.

I always kneel by his side, as he sits in his recliner....

my head on his knee....holding, and kissing his hand.

<3 <3 <3 

No words, spoken. 

In...reality, 

Neither one of us...would, or...could, accept 'Good Bye'. 

I'm...sure, if an Angel....would've shared what Fate, was bringing....I, would've...

fought, her....and argued, with her....to the end.

As, we all would.

I, know...we'll all be together, again...

That's....God's Gift, to us.

<3 <3 <3 

I, believe, and...can feel, John, and....my Dad, near....so often.

: ) 

That, is such a Gift, Comfort....Blessing. 

<3 <3 <3 

{Helper, Brandon....just came in, and asked if I needed anything done, today.

: )

He caught me...crying, at the computer.

: (

{Guess...I, need to keep the door locked.  Brandon's like 'Family'....and, just walks, in. : ) }

Told him, I'm o.k., and thanked him, for checking.  : )

As he was walking away, he stopped, and....looked at the Burl Bowl, that's sitting, where it's always sat, for nearly 6 years.

He spun it, slowly....around, on the table.

He, just 'noticed' it...today.

said...

"That's a really, cool....old bowl."

: )

Yeah, it is. 

Love, to You...

Barb C.