"One day... I will find the right words... and they will be simple"....

I read this quote, yesterday...

and... it seemed so perfect.

: )

My mind... feels like a game of 'ping pong'...

is playing inside of it.

I have to be a different person, and address different issues.... 

with each person I come into contact with.

One call... may be about...Family....

the next... an Official... concerning Medicare....

{yes... I wrote a second letter to The White House, 

and received another... phone response, from D.C. this time. }

Still... battling.... {in a good way....everyone is very kind.}

Yet..... I have to  immediately shift... into another gear.... at the drop of a hat.....

{I have had to drop everything.... run...from the shop... while they wait... 

Grab paperwork.... {lots... and lots... of Paperwork...} then... sound like...I actually Know... what I'm talking about... : )  

{trust me... after I catch my breath... I...Do. }

Then... something else...crops up.... concerning the shop....

or...the trucks...or the yard... or the Critters.....

or... other issues..... {I could rattle off... a hundred.... {we all could.... : )}

then...

the Hospital... calls... about bills....

I have started paying on some of them.... but.... then I wonder..... how.... I will be able to.... for the rest...of my life....

{but... I will. : ) }

Then... it's the day to day... stuff... that we all have.....

: )

You may think...I have a lot of people around me....

I don't.

Our Peg.... is fighting her own... battles.... oh....my.......

 I am going to go see her, this week.... for a day....

I have to get back... for Polly... who's been sick.... She goes back to the Vet... Tuesday. 

The Kids... have their own  things to handle....

They all... have been through...so much.... 

I am Thankful... for them being here.... as much as they have.

I really don't know... what I would do...without them.

: )

Unless...I am working... 

I stay... in.

I...cry...every morning..... and every night.

{I can't.....be weak.... during the day.... too many things to handle...}

I won't talk to people... before 8 in the morning.... or, after 7 at night......

those hours... are mine.

I need them.

(no one...should have to endure... any part of this mess...this...crushing... sorrow... when...everyone.... has their own... crosses to bare...}

It's strange... how one can lose one's 'self'....

I realized how much, of me... 'isn't'....anymore...

the other day...at the Auction.

As I stood and visited with Verle....

{my heart ached for him.... as he was selling off... his 'Lifetime'....

He and I...used to visit for hours... and joke.... and carry on.... at his store.... : )

I... knew.... when I saw him... I could be Nothing... but Positive... and lighthearted....

I knew... it was a Tuff...day.... for Verle. <3 }

I heard myself......

I was having a conversation, like... the person I used to be...

oh my...

: )

I surprised myself.... that person, has been so far removed.... from my 'being'....

I barely recognized her.

It was like...someone else...was talking through me.

I... miss that person. 

{but... it gave me hope.... she was still alive...somewhere.... }

I get so.... Frustrated... with myself.....

I Have So Much..... I Have to Get Done.... 

I Have...to get On The Ball.....

Make...It...Happen.....

oh my......

Please know....

I am Thankful... for the e-mails... I get.... they make me smile.

Thank You.

Thanks...so Much... to Alice and Suzy.... for visiting me...at Midwest....

: )

and... Thank You... to a Dear Soul... who sent the most Amazing Card... just after my sale.....

oh my....

I haven't properly Thanked... anyone.... yet.....

but... I will...

"One day... I will find the right words... and... they will be simple."

They... will be...Straight...from my Soul....

Today.... I have a hard time.... 'reaching'.... that deep. <3 

Love...to ya...

and...

Thank You....

for the 

Continued Prayers,.....

: ) 

Barb C.