The Truth....

I had a Dr.'s Appointment today.

oh my....

I never go to the Dr. unless.... I'm really.... really...sick.... 

then... I'll wait an extra day or two....

hoping I'll come out of it.

: )

I'm not 'sick'... but... when I called in for another refill... for my rescue inhaler...last week...

{I... go through... many... I've had asthma... since I was 14. It's nearly killed me... twice. 

I use my rescue inhaler... far more than I should...always have.}

The Nurse... {whom...I Adore...: ) }

said...

 "Barb.... we haven't seen you.... for a Long....Long.....time....: ) we'll refill this... but...

Dr. says he'd like to listen to ya.... When can you come in?"

{sigh....}

I made the appointment... last week...for today.

It's had me... on edge... since I scheduled it.

I was very... concerned...about this... 'visit'.

It's the first time... I've set down... with my Beloved... Dr. since John...passed away.
{Thank God... He was also...Mom and John's...Doctor...too. <3 They Loved Him. }

I... was so afraid..... I'd break.... when he stared asking me questions....

Not...about my health....

no...

my breathing.... is the same...as it's always been... it sucks. 

but... I know how to manage it... and.... get by. : )

no...

I knew he was going to ask me... 'the question'... 

the one.... that always....drops me..... to my knees.

I've never been a good liar.

In fact... be careful... what you ask me... you will... get the truth.

If... I'm prepared.... like I was...today... with him...

I can be...a little sarcastic... and funny.

Dance around...'the truth'... : )

The last time I saw him...in his office... I wasn't smoking....

{yes..it's been awhile. : ) }

He asked... "And... you're Still not Smokin'... : ) : ) : ) "

: )

"No... I'm Smokin' Like a Stack! : ) and... Drinkin' more, than some... say... I Should...Too!!!"

: ) : ) : )

He Laughed....and said...

"Be careful... : ) Go Easy... on that stuff.... : ) "

: ) 

I said....

"Come walk with me... for an hour... or a day..... I'll have you...Drinkin' and Smokin' Too!!!

: ) : ) : ) 

Just as soon as This World... is Good...again.... 

I'll take your advise... and... take'er... easy...on my 'self medicating'...  : ) "

He...looked at me...shook his head...and... and chuckled.... : )

He...told me... he understood. 

{He always... has. : ) What a Gift... that is.
They don't teach that... in Med School. : )  }

He and I... have traveled quite a Journey... together, these last 30 years....

few.... know me better. 

: )

but...none...of those roads...were as Rough... as the ones...we walked....together...

over a few short months...  last year.
As we were saying our 'Goodbyes '...

I told him... I Love him... : )

 He said... he Loves me..too... : )

oh my....

I'd made it through....: ) 

Made it out... with my Skin!!!

then...

 paid my bill....

: )

 I walked through the waiting room... heading towards the door... : )....

and heard a voice.... from the Past.

"Barb!!!!"

It was my Friend, Pat. : ) : ) : )

She's a writer....and photographer... she used to do a 'Food Page'...

She was a customer....for 'special'... vintage dishes... to display food on.

then...became a Friend... 

: )

 way back.... before I had the shop.

: )

I laughed.... and said... how Good it was to see her.... : )

and... how I Never come to the Dr.'s office... because...when I do... it's Then...I get sick!

What were The Chances...of running into her!!! : ) 

I shook her hand... told her... I had just Scrubbed... before I left the exam room...

 We were laughing....: )

 another...couple...was....as well... that were listening to our conversation....

Then....

Pat...

asked...

the... 'Question'.

"So...how...are 'you'.....doing?".....: (

I laughed....

and said....

"Well...this last year...has been a little ruff...: ) : ) : ) but... "

then...she started to say....

"Yes...I'd...read...."

I stopped her.... abruptly.

{I could feel... all of the 'wit'... that had carried me through....

 leave my body....and... the World... turned upside down...in the blink...of an eye. }

I said...

"uh oh....: (... uh oh..... Pat.... We can't talk about this."
 : ( : ( : ( ......... 

True...to the Hatter Traits....

I....wear my emotions... on my sleeve.

like.... a mood ring....
 {especially.......when I'm caught off guard....}

There was Nothing.... I could do....

to stop... the Floodgates.

I still...was holding her hand....

: )

told her... we'd have to visit...another time.

: ) : (......

and...found my way...out the door.

oh my....

I... know... my Friends Love me....

I...know... when I need them... all I have to do...

is pick up the phone.

but...

this... is the reason... I don't talk to anyone.

: )

If... they ask me... a 'personal'... question....

The Truth... always... comes out.

sometimes....

it's pretty... painful.

I..can get through.... if... they don't ask....

"How are you doing?"

but... because... they care, they always do. 

As Pat... saw...today....

The Truth comes out.... sometimes... in tears.....

when the words... can't be spoken.

So... for me... when we meet.... lets talk...about the Weather...

Junk...

Old Trucks...

Pretty Flowers...

and...Good Times...

just... don't ask me...for the 'Truth'.

Love to ya...

Barb C.