Dreaming was as Easy as Believing It was Never Going to End...

I.... hate the Night....

Last night...I sat at the old... Table....

Thinking...

and.... Sobbing......

So...many things...on my mind...

John... oh my... we never saw this coming....

I'm a Dreamer... John was too... : )

I'm glad...we didn't see this... coming...

The last days...were filled with 'Hope'....

I'd change...Nothing...

for that Priceless... Gift.

: ) : ) : )

Then felt a nudge...on my hand.

It was Phil... John's favorite Kitty.....

He kept... nuzzling my hand.... and gently... nipping... my arm.

The Cats.... were John's....

I change their boxes... and feed them....

but...make no mistake.... John was King in their eyes....

: )

They haven't come around... much, since he went 'Home'....

Critters... Mourn...too...

It was a Gift... having Philly... come to me... last night.

It truly was.

I Thank God... for Sending... His four legged...Angels... to me throughout my life....

They have 'saved' me.... over and over.....and...are now.

I sit here, this morning... trying to figure out... how... I'm going to get everything handled....

{bills... bills...bills....}

With everything else... spinning around....

Getting through the Long...Winter...

Mom and John's... awful last many months....

doing shows... to keep the Wolf Back....

The Sale.... here at Home....

The Big Sale... that required me to be 'gone' for an entire month....

just after John...went 'Home'...

The Flood.....

now...

John's Celebration of Life....

 Getting the Yard...and House done...for that...

 My Sister and Brother in Law... coming that week...and staying here...for Mom's...

the Following week...

oh my...

{I am so far behind...on everything... oh my....}

Yet...all I can think about... and have thought about....since February...

 are the Medical Bills...

and... maybe...not having a Home....

The Dr.'s kept saying.... throughout John's stay....

when I reminded them...Over and Over....

John doesn't have insurance....

they said... over and over...

"Don't worry about the Bills"....

I...was worried... about the bills....

John...said... he knew I could figure it out....

They assured us... it would all be...'fine'...

It's not 'fine'... and they want their money....

So... today... I'll work on the yard... then...the house... this evening...

Tomorrow...I'm putting on a different hat....and make some visits....

I want to get a handle... on these Mountains... and see...exactly where we are at....

then....

I'll do whatever it takes... to chop that Mountain...down to size...

{short of losing the things...John held...most dear. 

As long as I have a Breath...in my Body... I won't let that happen.... }

I'll do whatever it takes.....

I'm not good...at this kind of stuff....

It's not...my 'Long Suit'....

but...it seems... the people... I had thought, knew what they were doing....

and trusted them...on our behalf...to handle it...

didn't...

{and...it was their...'Long Suit'...}

but... like John said...

'You'll figure it out'....

yup...

That I will...

Pray for me....

I Need All The Help I Can Get....

Our Lives... Depend...on It.

Love...to You...

Barb C.

Angels....
It kept running through my mind... last night...as it has... for months....
where will they go... if I can't keep the 'Ship...afloat' ?
What will happen... to our Beloveds....?
This Morning... I thought....
I don't have a choice... I Will... keep this Ship... Upright....
too many Angels.... are depending on me.... : )
both...
Two Legged... and Four Legged.
Get 'er Done.