It's all...about the journey.

Yesterday, was John's Birthday.

It hit me harder...than the last three, without him. 

They've All...been pretty ruff.

but, yesterday...

I, pretty much...was in a Ball...all day.

I miss Him...Soooo Much.

: )

Somehow...I can usually...get through the Days...well. 

I stay very....Busy.

Unless, someone....stops by, and starts reminiscing... : )

then, the 'water flows'. 

but, yesterday...wasn't a good day.

Nights, are the worst.

Everything....is so quiet.

John, and I...spent Evenings....together, most...always.

That, was 'Our Time'.

We, usually sat in front of the T.V.

: )

We liked the same things, on T.V. 

: )

He'd call me, if it was getting close, to some our Favorite Show's...'time', when I was on the road....

and say...

"Where Ya At??? Show starts in an Hour!!!"

{I've Put The Hammer Down, in The Fords...Many Times....

coming, from Illinois, 

Loaded Heavy....

to get Home, and Fly...to The Recliner...beside John!!!}

We Loved...'The Closer', 'Soprano's'....

{Shoot, I remember...how Crazy we were over 'Dallas'...back, in 'The Day' : )

hahahahaha!

: )

We Could Not...Miss an Episode!!! }

It took me two years...to go back, in John's Room....

I, couldn't open the door. 

I sit in his chair, most every night...now,{sleep in it, more often, than I should.} and watch the Shows...we used to watch...together.

M.A.S.H... Barney Miller, Columbo....Perry Mason...: )

old...reruns. : ) 

We watched old reruns....every night. : )

As I sit, and watch them now...

I, wonder....when was the 'last' time...'we'...watched the episodes 'Together'.

I called Peg's Beloved...Michael, a couple Sunday mornings ago.

I, should call him, more often.

We talked..for a long...time.

He's...lost, too.  : (

Maybe...that's why, I don't call.

I..have no... advise, that will ease his pain.

He misses, Peg...Soooo Much. 

After you have spent so many...years, Loving...someone.

You, become...One Person.

It's a gradual thing.

When, you Lose...your 'Soul Mate'....

You, lose...half, of yourself.

You, don't realize that...until...they are gone.

then...

you're like a Bird....trying to fly, with one wing.

He told me, all of the things, that used to make him happy...mean nothing, anymore.

I...know. 

I told him... if my life, didn't depend...on making a living...

I'd never leave the house.

I, probably...wouldn't get out of bed.

He's retired... I, understand... how difficult...that must be.

I'm blessed, by...somehow, having a 'switch', inside...that allows me, to work.

I can flip it, when it's 'Showtime'....and, around Public.

but...

when I walk in the House...

and, close...the door, I'm done.

Yesterday, John's Birthday.....

that 'switch'...was broken.

I know...John and Peg, wouldn't want this, for us.

: ) : )

No one's...Loved Ones...would. 

so, like I told Michael...

"One Day, at a Time."

: ) : ) : ) 

There is Much...Beauty, in The World, Peg and John...taught us both...to 'See' that.

: )

Life, is short.

We'll All, will be Together...again, someday.

: )

Life, is truly...

about the journey.

We'll have to keep putting one foot, in front of the other, on our paths....

until we are called Home.

Then, what a Beautiful...Reunion, that will be. 

: )

Love, to ya...

Barb C.

{As I reread, this post...
Looking back...
and, ahead.
There's so Much...on my Shoulders, right now....
So Much, coming at me...from every direction.
I realized...
to be Thankful...
for 'The Mountains'.
Without them, I'd be consumed...
by Reality. }