Thursday, July 20, 2017

It's all...about the journey.


Yesterday, was John's Birthday.
It hit me harder...than the last three, without him. 
They've All...been pretty ruff.
but, yesterday...
I, pretty much...was in a Ball...all day.
I miss Him...Soooo Much.
: )
Somehow...I can usually...get through the Days...well. 
I stay very....Busy.
Unless, someone....stops by, and starts reminiscing... : )
then, the 'water flows'. 
but, yesterday...wasn't a good day.
Nights, are the worst.
Everything....is so quiet.
John, and I...spent Evenings....together, most...always.
That, was 'Our Time'.
We, usually sat in front of the T.V.
: )
We liked the same things, on T.V. 
: )
He'd call me, if it was getting close, to some our Favorite Show's...'time', when I was on the road....
and say...
"Where Ya At??? Show starts in an Hour!!!"
{I've Put The Hammer Down, in The Fords...Many Times....
coming, from Illinois, 
Loaded Heavy....
to get Home, and Fly...to The Recliner...beside John!!!}
We Loved...'The Closer', 'Soprano's'....
{Shoot, I remember...how Crazy we were over 'Dallas'...back, in 'The Day' : )
hahahahaha!
: )
We Could Not...Miss an Episode!!! }
It took me two years...to go back, in John's Room....
I, couldn't open the door. 
I sit in his chair, most every night...now,{sleep in it, more often, than I should.} and watch the Shows...we used to watch...together.
M.A.S.H... Barney Miller, Columbo....Perry Mason...: )
old...reruns. : ) 
We watched old reruns....every night. : )
As I sit, and watch them now...
I, wonder....when was the 'last' time...'we'...watched the episodes 'Together'.
I called Peg's Beloved...Michael, a couple Sunday mornings ago.
I, should call him, more often.
We talked..for a long...time.
He's...lost, too.  : (
Maybe...that's why, I don't call.
I..have no... advise, that will ease his pain.
He misses, Peg...Soooo Much. 

After you have spent so many...years, Loving...someone.
You, become...One Person.
It's a gradual thing.
When, you Lose...your 'Soul Mate'....
You, lose...half, of yourself.
You, don't realize that...until...they are gone.
then...
you're like a Bird....trying to fly, with one wing.
He told me, all of the things, that used to make him happy...mean nothing, anymore.
I...know. 
I told him... if my life, didn't depend...on making a living...
I'd never leave the house.
I, probably...wouldn't get out of bed.
He's retired... I, understand... how difficult...that must be.
I'm blessed, by...somehow, having a 'switch', inside...that allows me, to work.
I can flip it, when it's 'Showtime'....and, around Public.
but...
when I walk in the House...
and, close...the door, I'm done.
Yesterday, John's Birthday.....
that 'switch'...was broken.
I know...John and Peg, wouldn't want this, for us.
: ) : )
No one's...Loved Ones...would. 
so, like I told Michael...
"One Day, at a Time."
: ) : ) : ) 
There is Much...Beauty, in The World, Peg and John...taught us both...to 'See' that.
: )
Life, is short.
We'll All, will be Together...again, someday.
: )
Life, is truly...
about the journey.
We'll have to keep putting one foot, in front of the other, on our paths....
until we are called Home.
Then, what a Beautiful...Reunion, that will be. 
: )
Love, to ya...
Barb C.

{As I reread, this post...
Looking back...
and, ahead.
There's so Much...on my Shoulders, right now....
So Much, coming at me...from every direction.
I realized...
to be Thankful...
for 'The Mountains'.
Without them, I'd be consumed...
by Reality. }










No comments: