I Dedicate.... the above 'Tune'... to 'Life'.

How much more?

How... Much...More?

: )

That's all I want to know. 

In the last year and half...

I've lost.... my Mom.

Husband...John... {Soulmate....}

My Sister in Law...{whom I Admired... so.... }

and both of my Brothers.

Last week... the Vet told me....

Polly ... my Beloved Pup... who has Kept Me Alive....

these last two years...

may have a Month... possibly two.

I'm doing Everything... I can... to make her comfortable... : )

Everything. 

{I Always... Have. : ) : ) : ) }

: ( : ( : (...............

Peg.... My Best Friend...

'Sister'... in Every Way... that Truly Matters...

 called.... this morning... said... as she was walking with Mike..and Little Charlie....earlier...

she looked at Mike and said......

 "Why?... here were are... 'walking'... and... I'm walking Dead."

: ( : ( : (................ 

the cancer... won't..... leave her alone.

I tried... to console her..... Peg... tried... to console...me. 

: ( : ( : (............... 

then...

Son, Justin called...worried sick.... said... a man from the City... stopped by....with a map....

they are going to try and condemn a major part of our property...

for a 'walking trail'.... 

for a new housing addition up the road.

: )

I've been on the phone all day... with the DOT.... The DNR....

The City....

Engineers... etc.

While waiting for returning calls....

I decided to begin... to take the Christmas tree down.

I finally... turned the lights out... on it... a couple of weeks ago.

It...looks sooooo sad. : (

As I pulled ornaments... off... and placed them... in an Old cardboard box... John had given me...a few years ago... from Him... and The Kids...

Filled.... with Beautiful.... Massive... Ironstone and Staffordshire Platters... 

Covered in his Beautiful Writing....

I began humming the above tune.

Then... singing it... out loud...

 To 'Life'.

Louder....and Louder. 

and...

LOUDER!!!!!

I finally... walked away... from the darkened... tree.

Helped my Polly... up the stairs.

sat down...here....

and decided to write.

My hands... are trembling.

my body....

trembles.

If you've never been through 'condemnation'....

well...

you could never understand.... how it rips your Heart Out....

to see... what you and Yours.... have worked so Hard For....

'Protected'

Most... of Your Life...

then...

have it taken... away... with the stroke...of a pen.

When we went through this... 20 years ago... with the DOT.....

I Fought... Hard.

{John...handed Those Keys... to Mama. He was Broken... of That Mess }

It was for a Better Highway.

: ) 

That...was Bad....Enough.

but...

for a 'walking trail'.... hmmmm...

Commercial... Frontage... Property....

that both John and I.... have Sacrificed SO MUCH for...

in exchange... for a...

'walking' trail. 

{and... put a 'sewer line'... along our Creek... for the folks in the New Addition...

coming in the future... 

We don't have City Water or Sewer..... here???

Don't Want... It... 

Don't think our Neighbors do... either. 

We DON'T want a Sewer Line... NEAR The Creek!!!! }

How Much?

: )

I'll be paying the rest...of my 'life'... on medical bills... for John. : )

to... Save... what he and I struggled so Hard for....

This Is His Sanctuary.

{still waiting to go to trial.... with medicare }

If you ever wondered.... does 'life' hurt more....

when it's happening to you... or... 

when it's 'Happening'... to Those You Love.

: )

well... let me tell ya.

I Could Never... Fight This Hard... for myself.

Everything.... Every Thing.... that has happened....

and Is 'Happening'... 

is ALL About Those I LOVE.

There Is NOTHING.... in this World...

Worse....

Than That!!!

NOTHING!!!!

I'll Fight... for Those I Love... 

until...

well...

I'll never stop.

Never.

but... 'Life'... I've got your number. 

You are having quite... a time... around here. 

I'm Handing 'This' over to The Lord.

He knows how to make 'crooked things'... straight.

: )

<3 

and... tho.... I don't have much money...

if need be....

I know a Damned Good Attorney....

that Loves to Fight.... for The Underdog. 

Bless Her Heart. <3 <3 <3 

She's an Angel. <3 <3 <3 

{Who also... Knows how to make 'crooked' things...straight. }

Please... keep us All.... in Your Beloved.... Prayers.

{I just got off the phone... with that 'Damned Good Attorney'....

<3

: )

I told her.... like most of you... already know.

I work.... my Tail Off... to Keep Things Turning.

then...

I go to bed..... and don't move... 

'Life' and me..... go round and round...these days.

but....

I am No Quitter. 

When Push... comes to Shove....

'Life' can 'shove'.... and 'shove'....and....

'Shove'.

Enjoy.... keeping a smile... from my face.

but.

Make No Mistake.... No Matter......

How Broken and Weary... 

I Will... Find the Strength....

to...

'Shove'... back....

when...

 It's The Right Thing to Do.

For Those.... I Love.

Prayers...Prayers....Prayers.

Love, to ya....

<3

Barb C.

{I told that 'Damned Good Attorney'.... "John's Coat and Shoes... are right where he left them.

Always...Will Be.

John wouldn't use a chemical on the ground... or... trim a Crazy Tree.... : ).... 

He took Care... of His Beloved Sanctuary...."

I.... Intend... to 'Keep'... His Wishes.... Forever.... 

All of Our Kids..... Feel The Same... Way. }

{As I spoke with an 'Official' of sorts... this afternoon..... from near Home....

Hoping... to find some Trusted Advise.... <3

and...

{Sobbing....in his ear....the Moment... I heard his voice... : ( }

to my Surprise... he already knew... the reason 'why'....the Tears.

Said he'd heard... from another 'official'... a while back....

there were going to be 'problems'... with a few others... in the community.... over 'this'.

but...

he told my Friend...

"All Hell... is going to Break Loose... on the 'other side'... of 151."

meaning...

Our

'Home'. 

he was right. }

John... on his Beloved 'Deere'... a Month.... before he passed..
: )
He LOVED to Mow. : )
He Loved... His Sanctuary.
He was So Weak...from All of That Radiation....
 and I... was So Proud... of Him.... when he took off...
on The Deere. <3
He'll.... Always... Be Here.
I Know That.
He Loved This Place... Too Much...
to Ever.... Ever... Leave.
<3
I've known that...from the day he left.
I...couldn't have stayed.... here.... alone...for a moment.
I remember... the day... John... 'passed'....
I came Home.... and sat under His Old Oak Tree.
Friends.... didn't want me to be alone.... they all wanted me to go home... with them.
I couldn't Leave. : )
Never gave it a thought...
because.... I Knew....
John would Never Leave....his Sanctuary.
and...
I'd Never... be Alone.

My... Polly... tonight.
: )
I wouldn't let her see me cry.....
the last few days.
I Know.... how much it worries her... when I cry.
: (
Tonight....
after all...
so much...
'Life'...
I weep.
dang it.
She won't leave me.
<3 <3 <3

<3 <3 <3
Paw....on Mama's knee....
oh my.

I posted the 'True Grit' Clip....
from a memory....
 when Dad took me to see this Movie... when I was 5. : )
'The Damned Good' Attorney....
is...
MY...
Amazing...
'Lawyer Daggett'
{Just Recognized ... The Parallels...}
: )
 Met Her... nearly 20 Years Ago...
Down the Rabbit Hole.
She was wearing Striped Knee High Socks... and Had Men Running...
as She... was Preparing to Load a Big Garage...WINDOW!!!
{10 feet by 10 feet... : ) }
She... Was and Is...a Force... to Reckon With...
oh dear.
<3
{The Eye Patch... also... is a Parallel. oh my. That's....Another....Story. <3 }
My Amazing.... 'Lawyer Daggett'... said.... I... have No Patience.
: )
She... and Pal... Allyson... would have Much... in common, concerning my demeanor.
: )
{I Expect 'Royalties'...
when
They... Write... Their... Books.
<3 <3 <3 }
'None'...
They...
Have Earned Them All.
: )
{and... Then... Some. : ) }