Empty Platters... and remembering my First Thanksgiving... on my own.

All that's left.. of a Bountiful Thanksgiving Feast... tonight, 

is Empty Platters... 

and a Full Fridge... : ) 

The Kids took home a lot...

but...

we always make enough....to feed an Army. 

oh my.

I didn't get many pictures... too busy.

Liz got some... I'll share later. : ) 

Liz said something to me... yesterday, when she brought Miss. Scarlett out.... that...had 'haunted' me... throughout the day... and night.

She said... "I don't care what the house looks like... Nobody Cares... Don't worry about it." 

I thought... to myself, "I do."

Then... I got to thinking... 'why' do I care....?

Why... do I always make such a Fuss.... 

Drive Myself...Crazy.

?

I began walking though 'Holidays' past.

Where did this 'Obsessive' behavior... come from.

: )

It didn't take me long... to unravel. 

My early years... were different, from... most.... people I grew up with.

Holidays... were most of the time... difficult.

There was always... something... that would erupt.... 

between my Parents.

I remember... as a small child... being soooo Excited... for Thanksgiving... and Christmas!!!

Things would be smooth.... until.... 'The Day'...

Then... either Dad would disappear.... wouldn't come back from 'chores'...

or... worse... he'd be there....

and Mom... would get...pretty ornery... one thing led to another....

and...

all Hell would break loose. 

The times... we went to my Sister, Chery's... or, Brother, Larry's... with Wife, Marsha....

were great... sort of. : ) 

They had... what seemed to be a 'Picture Perfect'... Family Life.

but....

I never felt.... I was a part of that. 

I knew, my life was very different. 

I remember, visiting Chery's... when I was about 8.... at Christmas.

She always... always... created such a Beautiful... Homey... atmosphere.

{later, when I was an adult... she told me... she hated... Christmas.... any Holidays.

That... made me so sad.... for her. }

The Tree...she decorated was sooooo Beautiful. : )

There were Mountains... of Gifts... under it. 

Beautifully...wrapped. : )

The rest of the Family... was in the basement... I...couldn't leave that Tree.

: )

then... I realized... how Lucky... my Nephew was.

and... there weren't any gifts...for me, under that Beautiful Tree.

It made me... kind of sad... yet.... somehow... the Beauty... of it All...seemed to be what was most... important. : ) 

We rarely had a Christmas Tree... at home.

I dragged one home... from my 3rd grade class... Mrs. Riddle, my teacher.... said I could have it.

: )

Mom let me put it in the house... : ) 

I still remember the paper chain... that was on the little Tree.

All of us 3rd Graders... made it, in class. : ) 

{Yes... I dragged it home... with All of The Decorations... on it. about 4 blocks. of my. }

My Great Dane, Dolsey and I... moved into a 10x50 mobile home... in the Winter, after Christmas.... when I was 15.

then.... fixed it up.... sold it... and bought a Nice 14x60.... when I was 16.

It was that year... I had Thanksgiving, for the very first time. : ) 

My Dad, and Brother, Larry were there.... my Niece, Kari... helped me cook and Bake... the night before.... {she was 12 or 13... maybe. }

 I think... Mom was there... too. 

Larry was separated from his wife, Marsha. 

I remember, Dolsey being So Put Off.

Larry... after eating... was Lounging... Sprawled Out.... on the Love Seat. : )

That.... was Dolsey's... 'Throne'... : )

She walked over to him... as he snored....

sniffed him... from Head to Toe....

then...

just stood there... and Stared at him. : )

Nose...to Nose.

as he slept.

: )

oh my.

: )

There was no bickering... no... Drama. 

I think, even then... without saying a word... to anyone....

somehow...

they knew.

I wouldn't Tolerate... any Monkey...Business.

No Arguing. 

I fixed a HUGE... Meal. 

just... like today.

I wanted Everything.... to be... like I imagined... it Should be. 

: )

Our Kids... have never seen... the type of Holidays... I grew up with.

I won't allow it.

John, wouldn't either.

{Tho... I Know... I Made Him Crazy... watching me... Lose my Mind... seeking... Perfection... that, there never, really is. Bless His Heart!!! <3 }

I...always... try and make it... 'Good'.

: ) 

It's a Gift... to my Family... that... they don't really understand... they are receiving.

It's a Gift... for me... to 'Give'... it to them. : )

I told a Friend, the other day... if... the Kids... weren't here....

I'd volunteer... somewhere... and 'Give'... what I could... to others... who, like myself....as a Young person... so wanted to 'Feel'... just... for a little while.

: )

I have had 'The Holidays'... most of my life.

I... can't remember... any... Holidays... I didn't prepare... here, at Home. 

Last Christmas... when Nick... broke the window at Liz's... she was standing on the other side....

and got all cut up.... as did Nick.... 

She came here... covered in blood.

all... she kept saying... is how sorry... she was... that Christmas had been ruined.

no...

I assured her... it wasn't. 

: )

Christmas.... Thanksgiving.... 

Nothing... Steals That...Away... from our Family.

I won't allow it...

Not... in This House. 

Children... should Never... have these Family Times... Ruined...

Ever. 

and... tho.... the Kids... don't know it....

I've seen worse. 

We'll get through it. : ) 

I thought of that.... the other day.... as I was Blowing Kisses... to Miss. Scarlett.

It was a Bad... situation....

but...

By God.... I was going to do my Best... to not allow her.... to see...or Feel...

 how bad... it was.

I remember... one Thanksgiving... when I was her age... and having a Deputy Sheriff... take my Dad away.

I Begged... that Man... to "Please... don't".....

I hung on... to my Dad's Leg..... 

Mom...had to pry me off. 

: (

I... won't Allow... That.....

in our Home. 

Not... Ever. 

I Hope... you all... had a Wonderful... Thanksgiving.

<3

I counted my Blessings... all day... today.

{I do... most every day. I do...complain... sometimes, too. I'm tired... weary... and... 'forget' }

: )

My Family.... {Two and Four Legged : ) Here... and... in Heaven. }...

Friends.... Freedom... Health... 

Food... Clothes.... Roof... 

I've lived... without 'em...at times... throughout my life...

I am Thankful... for Everything... I Have... and Hold Dear... 

Today. 

I...am... Blessed. 

If you are reading this

You... are Too. 

You can 'see'... you...can 'read'. 

there's two. 

: ) 

Love, to you...

Barb C.