Friday, June 8, 2018


I, gotta tell ya, sometimes...
can be so difficult.
I look back, 10 years, heck...40 years... : )
and Tuff, I thought it was, then.
: )
Boy...was I In for Surprises...or What!
I'm Blessed, in so many ways, I know. : )
It's...just, sometimes.... I wonder, how much more...these shoulders, can carry.
I find it difficult, to function...most days.
I, wish... I could, simply...
Then, I could put each Mountain..., in it's own box, then...
Deal with them...
Most days...I'm Overwhelmed, by Everything...
Piling On.
I'm sure...I'm not alone, feeling this way.
Seems, so many of us...are trying to Forge Ahead, in a, seemingly...
Never Ending Storm.
: (
I, wish... I had some advise, and...Positive Thoughts, to send out.
Some days, many days....I feel frozen, from the load.
I'm so Thankful..for a few, Dear Friends...
Without Them, I...truly...don't know Where, I'd be.
I MISS, the person...I used to be. 
I, Hope... she's still here, somewhere. 
; )
I came across a quote, I'd posted on fb, two years ago.
It says...

"You wake up, every morning...
to fight the same demons... that left you so tired, 
the night, before.
And, That...
my love, 
is Bravery. "

It's so true. True...for so many.
I, look around...and see so much, to be Thankful for.
: )
We, all can. Most of us, I hope.
I feel guilty, worrying and complaining. at all.
I remember, living in a 10x50 trailer...
when I moved out, on my own.
I was 15.
It was winter....there was a screen door, covered with paneling, for a door.
The pipes, under the sink, were, used a 5 gallon bucket, to catch the dishwater.
the furnace, worked...but, I had to turn it on and off, manually. 
I'd get the trailer boiling hot, before I left for work, or school, then...shut it down.
Then, it wouldn't be freezing, when I got home.
I, remember...I had an old record player,
 at night....I'd lay in bed listening to Tammy Wynette, and Linda Ronstadt.
My two favorite albums.
My Best Friend, Dolsey... {Great Dane} kept me warm. <3
I drove an old Chevy...with no heater, no brakes.
I used rubbing keep the windshield defrosted, on the inside.
I used the emergency brake, very...carefully, to stop. 
{Bought that car, for 50.00, I'd sold my truck, to buy the old trailer.}
It was ruff... for a couple of months. Then, I saved gradually...get on my feet, again.
Dad, wasn't any better off. He tried to help me...when he could.
I, was on the outs...with my Mother, and..surely, wouldn't go back.
Before I found the trailer, I was living in an old tin shed. {until it got too cold.}
Dolsey, and I slept on an old cot, someone gave me. I had my 410, for protection....
Nobody bothered us.
 I remember, one night, a bunch of people coming up to the shed, in the middle of the night, yelling for me, and pounding on the shed.
I yelled at them, that I was armed...and they'd better Git.
Then, they identified themselves.
Begged me Not To Shoot!!!
{It's kinda Funny, now. : )
 {It, was kinda Funny, then...too. : )
 I think a couple of 'em had to change their drawers. : ) }
They were people, I knew.
I, still...told them to 'Git'.
Told them, if they wanted to visit, come back during the daylight. 
As Tuff, as Those Times, were...
They Pale, in comparison, today.
I, don't know why.
Maybe... it's like the Harry Chapin Song, 'Taxi', goes....
"There's been too many miles, with too little 'smiles'."
I, don't fix that. 
Love, to ya....
Barb C.
Dad, and Dolsey. <3
This was taken, outside...of the trailer, where I lived.
It was the next Summer.
I'd fixed up, the old trailer, sold it, put a down payment, on a Much...better one.
Dad, helped me. : ) 
We worked hard, that Spring, and Summer... Scrappin' Iron, and hauling car bodies.
Dad rented a neighbor's Ford Car Hauler, for 20.00 a day.
I drove it, and hauled car bodies in, to the junk yard, as fast as I could load them.
The neighbor, Dad rented the Hauler from...
was John. 
: )
That's how I met John. 
Like, The Hatter, 'Alice'.
"You've Lost...Your 'Muchness'."
That's...exactly, how I feel. 
I'm not quite, to find it...again.
I'd Better.
The Jabberwocky's are Circling. 

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