Sunday, November 2, 2014

"One day... I will find the right words... and they will be simple"....

I read this quote, yesterday...
and... it seemed so perfect.
: )
My mind... feels like a game of 'ping pong'...
is playing inside of it.
I have to be a different person, and address different issues.... 
with each person I come into contact with.
One call... may be about...Family....
the next... an Official... concerning Medicare....
{yes... I wrote a second letter to The White House, 
and received another... phone response, from D.C. this time. }
Still... battling.... {in a good way....everyone is very kind.}
Yet..... I have to  immediately shift... into another gear.... at the drop of a hat.....
{I have had to drop everything.... run...from the shop... while they wait... 
Grab paperwork.... {lots... and lots... of Paperwork...} then... sound like...I actually Know... what I'm talking about... : )  
{trust me... after I catch my breath... I...Do. }
Then... something else...crops up.... concerning the shop....
or...the trucks...or the yard... or the Critters.....
or... other issues..... {I could rattle off... a hundred.... {we all could.... : )}
then...
the Hospital... calls... about bills....
I have started paying on some of them.... but.... then I wonder..... how.... I will be able to.... for the rest...of my life....
{but... I will. : ) }
Then... it's the day to day... stuff... that we all have.....
: )
You may think...I have a lot of people around me....
I don't.
Our Peg.... is fighting her own... battles.... oh....my.......
 I am going to go see her, this week.... for a day....
I have to get back... for Polly... who's been sick.... She goes back to the Vet... Tuesday. 
The Kids... have their own  things to handle....
They all... have been through...so much.... 
I am Thankful... for them being here.... as much as they have.
I really don't know... what I would do...without them.
: )
Unless...I am working... 
I stay... in.
I...cry...every morning..... and every night.
{I can't.....be weak.... during the day.... too many things to handle...}
I won't talk to people... before 8 in the morning.... or, after 7 at night......
those hours... are mine.
I need them.
(no one...should have to endure... any part of this mess...this...crushing... sorrow... when...everyone.... has their own... crosses to bare...}
It's strange... how one can lose one's 'self'....
I realized how much, of me... 'isn't'....anymore...
the other day...at the Auction.
As I stood and visited with Verle....
{my heart ached for him.... as he was selling off... his 'Lifetime'....
He and I...used to visit for hours... and joke.... and carry on.... at his store.... : )
I... knew.... when I saw him... I could be Nothing... but Positive... and lighthearted....
I knew... it was a Tuff...day.... for Verle. <3 }
I heard myself......
I was having a conversation, like... the person I used to be...
oh my...
: )
I surprised myself.... that person, has been so far removed.... from my 'being'....
I barely recognized her.
It was like...someone else...was talking through me.
I... miss that person. 
{but... it gave me hope.... she was still alive...somewhere.... }
I get so.... Frustrated... with myself.....
I Have So Much..... I Have to Get Done.... 
I Have...to get On The Ball.....
Make...It...Happen.....
oh my......
Please know....
I am Thankful... for the e-mails... I get.... they make me smile.
Thank You.
Thanks...so Much... to Alice and Suzy.... for visiting me...at Midwest....
: )
and... Thank You... to a Dear Soul... who sent the most Amazing Card... just after my sale.....
oh my....
I haven't properly Thanked... anyone.... yet.....
but... I will...
"One day... I will find the right words... and... they will be simple."
They... will be...Straight...from my Soul....
Today.... I have a hard time.... 'reaching'.... that deep. <3 
Love...to ya...
and...
Thank You....
for the 
Continued Prayers,.....
: ) 
Barb C.







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