Saturday, February 13, 2010

A Tribute to my Dad....

It was 23 years ago today, I lost my Dad.... I had seen him, the afternoon before he passed away, and brought him his lunch... We had a quick visit, and as I was backing away, and he, walking away, with the Valentines cake, I had made for him, he turned around, and looked at me... Just stood there for a moment... I looked at him, and said to my Mom, " I wonder, does he want me to go back?", but then he turned away, and started walking down the hill... That was the last time, I saw him alive... He died, at 7:30, the next morning.... Alone... He was involved in a fire, in the night, and worked so hard, to get it out, He collapsed on the ground, when they found him, he was alive, but had hypothermia... I wasn't notified, until 7:00 a.m., when his doctor called, and assured me he was fine, and was laughing and talking to her, and for once, his blood pressure was normal... I told her, I was on my way, and began getting the baby ready, so I could get to the hospital, as I was walking out the door, at 7:30, the phone rang... It was his doctor... She said things had changed drastically for the worse... I thought, in an instant, if I ask the very worst..." Is he dead?", she would say, " no, he's had a stroke"...{ Dad had unbelievably high blood pressure} So I asked her the worst, her reply was, "Yes, he is".... With Justin in his carrier, by my feet, I dropped to my knees... Inconsolable, would put it mildly... I had just lost my best friend in the World...The one who loved me, totally, unconditionally... And, he had been all alone... My heart was broken...shattered.... I drove to my Mom's house, and broke the news to her... We were lost souls...In a debilitating shock... Then I called all of the family... and went to my Dad's side... I sat down, next to his body, looked at his face, still covered in soot, from the fire, he looked so peaceful...Like he was sleeping... I ran my fingers through his hair... and at that very instant, could feel, he was really gone... and wept... And told him how very sorry I was, for not being there for him... Just to hold his hand... I was first on the emergency list, at the hospital... but they never called...{ Dad had been there for 5 hours} God must have known, I couldn't have taken, watching him slip away... I am the youngest, by many, many years, but I handled all the services... I was 22... Dad and I talked about everything... I remember how much he loved the movie, "Once Upon a Time in the West" and "Doctor Zhivago" The music, he said was the most beautiful music, he had ever heard... I couldn't find the music for "Once upon a Time in the West", but I had the pianist play Some Where My Love 'Lara's Theme', from Doctor Zhivago, over and over....{ nobody said a word} This song is so fitting... someday, we'll meet again, some day, whenever the spring breaks through... In those days, you couldn't do all of the 'special' things you can do today... I remember the song, that was going through my clouded mind, for weeks after he passed away... The Skeeter Davis song... " The End of the World".... I truly couldn't understand, why does the sun go on shining, why does the sea, rush to shore...don't they know, it's the end of the world, 'cause you don't love me, anymore... Don't they know it's the end of the World... It ended when you said.... Good bye... I, to this day, don't know how I made through, those dark, dark days... When Dad died, I thought the whole World should stop turning...And I was angry, that it didn't... I asked John, go to the scene of the fire, and salvage what he could... I just couldn't bear to go, and for years, after, couldn't go near, where the fire had been... John said there was nothing left, but the weirdest thing... Half of a heart shaped cake... It was sitting in the middle of the burned out building, untouched.... just sitting there... John didn't know, I had baked that for Dad, and taken it to him, the day before.... I miss my Dad, everyday of my life... Sometimes, I am sure, he is right here with me... The 13th of February, and especially,when it's a Friday the 13th, is very hard for me...I am so thankful, I have my faith, and God's promises... I don't know how I could have moved foreword, without Him... I know we will be together again... Barb C.

4 comments:

Stephanie Brandenburg said...

I remember a phone call in my life very similiar. Such a loss, so much emotion after all these years when a phone bank calls and asks for Stephen Walsh which literally just happened about 4 weeks ago at the shop - a part of me deep down inside still just wants to say- "he's not here right now but maybe..."
Love you - this is a great tribute to a great man.

Betty G said...

All I can do is send you a hug and tell you that I understand the love you had for your dad. ((((HUGS)))) Luv~Betty

Barntiques said...

How moving this post is. I feel it from your heart to my own. He is smiling down on you each and every day. Isn't it amazing how we can forget the whole grocery list, but, can remember the every moment of a life changing event. Wonderful words!

Jennifer @ Stitchin' Thyme said...

I lost my mother 2 years ago next month, we were not close as you and your father. I still cry and want to talk to her. I am crying now, your words are beautiful, your father would be proud. You are a wonderful daughter.